One question…

Every Wednesday evening, when school’s in, I attend a three hour long class at my church called Faith Bible Institute (FBI). It’s amazing, and this semester just started up last week. Over the course of the past three semesters that I have taken, I have learned and grown so much…each evening leaves me with so much to think about, and wanting more. That’s where I find myself this evening…

So many thoughts and questions run through my head right now…One however, stands out.

How much do I love God?

Here are some thoughts I hurriedly scribbled down in my journal during this evening’s class:

Am I constantly looking for ways to love God?

I want to be so in love with God that I am constantly looking for ways I can serve Him. I should look at every opportunity, everything Christ asks me to do as a joyous privilege to show my love for Him.

Now things are clicking…the first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. For when we do this, we will be so absolutely in love with Christ that we look for every opportunity we can to show Him our love. We would automatically keep His other commandments. No wonder “He that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he that is that loveth me.” And, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” It just goes round an round in a circle.

Oh, and God’s love is so incredible. He continually is showing His love for me. Scarce can I even begin to comprehend the depth of His love! Even while I was a sinner, Christ died for me…

After writing that and thinking over it, I was left with one question…

How much do I love God?

Sure, I love Him enough that I would die for Him…But do I love Him enough that’d I’d rise up early in the morning and give Him first place (that means before I check my e-mail). Do I love Him so much that every spare thought is of Him–when my mind wonders, does it go to Him? Do I love Him so much that I truly give Him the glory in everything? Do I love Him so much that every chance I get, I turn conversations towards Him?

I have this picture in my mind of a girl who every spare moment she runs to God’s Word hungry for what He has to say to her. At the back of her mind she is always thinking of Christ. She simply can’t wait for each morning, and jumps out of bed bubbling over with eagerness to spend time with her Lord. In short, every thought, word, action, deed is solely focused on Christ and is done as an expression of immense love for Him.

Oh how I want this for myself! As I write anguish swells up deep within me…This is the thing I crave–to know and love God more.“How?” I ask. He replies, “one day at a time.”

And with that I slip into bed underneath a stack of warm blankets, my mind and heart racing, longing, anguishing, and asking one question…

How much do I love God?


3 thoughts on “One question…

  1. Love this, Grace. And honestly…I have to admit it–convicting. I have been working on putting Him first…seeing the enemy fighting against this…I want Him to be TRULY first…oh! I want to be captivated by Him…

    “They say there is a lady in New Haven who is beloved of that Great Being who made and rules the world. They say that He fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything except to meditate on Him. If you present all the world to her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it. She is unmindful of any pain or affliction. She has a singular purity in her affections. You could not persuade her to compromise her true Love even if you would give her all the world. She possesses a wonderful sweetness, calmness, and kindess to those around her. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly. She seems to be always full of joy and pleasure, and no one knows exactly why. She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have Someone invisible always conversing with her.”
    -Written of Sara Edwards by Jonathan Edwards, her future husband.

    I want to be like that. Oh Lord, cultivate a heart within me that desires nothing but You!

    Hugs to you this sweet evening, Grace.

    • Oh Melanie, thank you for the quote! That is so beautiful…I want to be like that too! Yes, may the Lord cultivate within us a heart that desires nothing but Him. A heart totally and completely captivated by Him.

  2. What an encouragement your post was to me! I so needed to be reminded of that once again. Oh why is it so easy to settle for halfhearted love, just b/c it’s more than what most others give? Why is it so easy for me to become distracted and take my eyes off Him? I pray for you, as I pray for myself constantly, that our hearts would be fixed, and our love set, as the Psalms talk about often.

    Love you – more than you know
    Kate 🙂

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